


i'm crippled

by uruhead



Series: please, let me try agian [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Apocalypse, M/M, Ragnarok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:31:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5431490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uruhead/pseuds/uruhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>end of the world. loki's at fault. what more is there to say?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm crippled

we start at the end.

thick, unwavering clouds cover the expanse of the sky. dark. darkness is all he can see. there is a slight gap somewhere in the distance to the right, a beam of light flowing down like heaven itself touched the ground, blessing it.

He stands there in the silver light looking holy. he's not christian, he doesn't follow any specific religion at all, and yet he feels like this is the closest he's come to any mortal-followed diety ever. a feeling of peace flows through him, settling deep in his bones like sediment finally sifting down onto the floor of a river.

the first few raindrops dropped down onto his face, his chest, his throat. he wants to start screaming. peace is not in his nature, because peace feels like satisfaction. satisfaction is never something he would have expected while _He_ still lived. but his lower lip quivers and he wonders if he'll ever feel peace like this ever? why didn't he find peace sooner? why didn't he try to come back home?

his hands curl into fists and he hiccups. above the clouds, dark shadows form before rocks - no, piece of buildings - start to shower down and puncture through the overcast sky like throwing a handful of pebbles into a puddle. through the new formed holes, the sky is _on fire_. orange blaze threatening to come through.

tears stream down his face and it was impossible to breathe with all of his sins sitting on his chest, finally coming to light and settling on him.

the rain is still coming down, even with the clouds being torn apart. he closes his eyes and sobs, soft sounds coming out of his lips, uncensored.

there is a wound in his ribs, a punctured lung, and he feels the air being sapped from him every time he breathes in. life is being sucked from his very being.

around him, the world is ending, and a heavy feeling is keeping him grounded.

He touches him. His fingers touch his cheek, he can feel His warmth, feel the love in His eyes after all of this and all he did and He still misses him. a sob is ripped from him. he raises his hands and covers his face, dirt and blood smearing over his tear-stained cheeks.

"What's wrong with me?" he cries. his voice is drowned in the thrum and crash of the debris around him, yet it's like they're alone in the universe. "Why did I do this? Why do I feel this way? There was nothing wrong with where I was. I want to go back. I want to go home!"

"We can't do that anymore," He says. it punches him in the gut and makes him want to curl in on himself. maybe he's still floating, dreaming in that empty space somewhere and nowhere at the same time.

he can't go home anymore. there is no home.

he opens his eyes and looks to the left. in the distance, his home burns. the books he left his fingerprints all over are floating particles of ash within the walls of his old room. his bedclothes flutter helplessly in the suction of the flames. the slippers he wore relentlessly as a child now nothing more than singed pieces of old fabric tucked beneath his bed.

"I... I want to go home," he says, a quiet squeak of his voice. his head turns and he feels the seep on his own blood trickle down his side. His hand comes and presses over the wound, and he knows that he deserves the pain he gets from it. he deserves more.

"I want to go home," he repeats. his tears are neverending as they drip into his hairline. "Please. Let me go home. Bring me home."

looking up at Him, he realizes that He's in pain. His left eye is swollen shut, blood drips down from His forehead and into His mouth. His collarbone is broken in multiple places and makes the area look unshapely and uneven. His skin is blotted with dark bruises and he knows that he's the one who did this to Him.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shush," He quiets. "Loki, hush."

"Thor, please. Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen."

another barage of refuse comes plummeting from the sky. a large chunk comes and buries itself in the ground only a few feet away, covering them in a fine layer of dirt.

"No one else is here, brother," Thor says. the light filters down from the scars in the sky and illuminates Him from behind. "Home is gone. Everyone is gone, and it's all your fault."

loki knows it. he knows that it's his fault. he wants to sink into the ground and forget that any of this ever happened. forget. forget. forget.

to the right from where Thor came from, the deep reverberation of a warhorn can be heard. there are pounding footsteps, and Surtr and his army comes for Asgard, for its kin. Thor's visible eye becomes hard and it's painful for loki to see him this way.

Thor's hand reaches across loki's body and pulls him close. He pulls loki into His lap and leans down over him. they are crumpled on the ground, broken and alone.

"I'm sorry," loki whispers. Thor's mouth closes into a tight line and He kisses loki's forehead with the reverence of a mother and the patience of a saint. loki feels blessed. he closes his eyes and wants death to come.

Thor's hand cradles loki's face and pulls him close. a whistling sound comes closer, fast as an oncoming arrow, and loki can see over the slight bump of Thor's shoulder a spear comes hurtling their way. he glances to Thor, looking at him in the eye and realizes that Thor knows.

he can barely open his mouth before the spear pierces through Thor's back and loki's chest, sheathing itself in the ground. it's a jarring sensation, feeling Thor's body literally pinned to his own. they are stuck, just like they have always been stuck. loki's hands shakily rise and cup His face.

"Brother," loki hisses. he feels the gurgle of blood deep in his stomach, pooling around his spine. Thor's blood is there, too. the thought is slightly comforting. "Brother, please."

the words are hauntingly similar to the thousands of times he spoke them before. Thor looks down at loki and struggles with His grip. He cups loki's face and presses their mouths together. it's chaste, yet with the bitterness of a thousand suns burning in their wake.

Thor laces their fingers together, gripping hard onto his knuckles until they crack. loki doesn't feel any of the pain. he doesn't understand why, why now, why any of this?

loki lets his brother slide down the spear, a gut-wrenching sound as His ribs crack and body weakens as the weight of His body rests on loki's own. he hopes that Thor dies first, hopes that He doesn't have to see loki leave him a final time.

the death rattle that comes from Him sounds like loki's name, and the feeling that loki was the last thing on Thor's mind when He left makes loki comforted and sad.

he somberly strokes the corpse above him, fingers dancing in His golden hair, His bruised body. he cries silently as he waits for death to creep over him like a warm blanket. he feels it in his fingers and toes, then his limbs. when it finally overtakes his chest, his neck, and his eyes, he can see Asgard collapse in on itself; its last defense against oncoming intruders.

their bodies are carried away as ash after the blast.


End file.
